Saying Good-bye to "Tarai"

When Jonathan and I were married in 2001, his brother, Nathanael, gave me the nickname "Tarai." He said it was like Sarah in the bible who was barren and when God told her husband, Abraham, that she would have a son, He changed her name from Sarai to Sarah. So Nathanael decided to call me Tarai until Jonathan and I had children.


In 2006 we actually started trying to achieve this goal of parenthood, but after several months that turned into years, I began to realize I might have a bit in common with Sarai...I was experiencing barrenness. After doing lots of testing that resulted in the discovery that Jonathan and I are both perfectly healthy, we realized either it just wasn't God's timing for us to conceive or maybe we were being led to adopt.



Since we moved to Anna, IL we've been living in a tiny apartment that we knew wouldn't pass an adoption home inspection. So we decided to look for a house to buy and thought that if we weren't pregnant by the time we found a house, we would hit the adoption route full-swing.



God's timing is always perfect, no matter how much it may seem to differ from our own ideas. On the morning of July 28th, 2009 we went to the bank to close on a house. That afternoon we found out we were pregnant! Then it took us a couple weeks to realize it was real... and still some days I look at my stomach and say to Jonathan, "I can't believe there's a baby in there!"



We are praising God for the miracle of this new life and grateful for Him bringing us through what was possibly our greatest trial thus far. It was a hard road and it is tough to describe the pain that accompanies this journey. We watched so many friends and family members conceive and wondered when our turn would come. Some of them even met, dated, got married, and had babies in the time we were trying. The main tool that helped me get over the sadness was a book given to me by my friend, Beth, Rain on Me by Holley Gerth. This 40-day devotional brought me from feeling abandoned by God to feeling enveloped in His love...and it made me realize I was letting the devil scheme in my life and bring me down when I have so much for which to be thankful.



To anyone dealing with a trial that at times seems unbearable, I recommend Holley's book and encourage you that "God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13



And to anyone who may be a family member, friend, or acquaintance of a young married woman and feels compelled to question or pressure her regarding her timeline for children, I implore you to hold your tongue. You never know what that woman is dealing with and the respectful, courteous thing to do is to let her bring the topic up if she so chooses. Just as it is inappropriate to imply a young, single gal should be considering marriage, it is equally inappropriate to suggest when a married woman should have children. Having been through this trial myself, I have been given a whole new outlook on what it means to have sensitivity and compassion on others. It is much more beneficial to be an encourager than a meddler. My mom and two of my aunts each at one point told me that they believed we would conceive our own children. They couldn't explain it; it was just something they knew. The faith of these women is at times what carried my hope.

Although I adore nicknames and felt it endearing of my brother-in-law to call me "Tarai", I am happy to hang up my "Tarai hat" and be called "Tara" from here on out as I am WITH CHILD! :) We appreciate any prayers for the health of the baby and for a quick, natural delivery. We anticipate the arrival of our little one around St. Patty's Day, March 17th. We have decided to be surprised regarding the baby being a boy or girl and plan to surprise everyone with the name when he or she is born. Be sure to check back on our blog for more updates and thank you for rejoicing with us!