Jonathan's Article

My sweet husband wrote an article for the weekly church newsletter that I want to share:

“Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. - Isaiah 54:1

By the time you read this I may be a new father holding a new little baby – and if not, then very soon. As we are preparing and considering parenthood, I am often reminded of our road to parenthood. In fact nearly a year ago, Tara and I thought we would never have biological children of our own. Our journey to parenthood did not begin nine months ago; it actually began almost four years ago.

We were just finishing seminary and beginning to think and pray about having children. We felt like we were ready and were excited about the prospect of being parents. We had heard that on the average it takes 3-6 months to get pregnant and so we decided to start trying in the summer of 2006 hoping to be pregnant by Christmas. Well Christmas came and went and still, not pregnant. We were beginning to get concerned and our minds flooded with questions: “What’s wrong with us?” “Why is God keeping this from us?” “What do we need to do that we’re not doing?” “Why is this happening?”

Trying to sort through all the doubts and questions in our minds, we still continued to hope for a baby. We began seeing doctors and having tests done as well. As far as they could tell there was nothing wrong with either of us – they had no logical explanation for Tara’s barrenness and neither did we.

In the summer of 2008 we moved from Charlotte, NC to Middlebury, IN. I was between pastorates and so we took a time of Sabbatical for rest, renewal, and rejuvenation. During this time we continued to hope for a child of our own but as each day passed we grew frustrated and at times even angry with God. During that summer the Lord blessed two of my sisters-in-law with children, which brought up a whole new level of mixed emotions within us. Feeling desperate we unsuccessfully resorted to some medical treatments for Tara, which we ended because they only made her sick and more frustrated. By Christmas 2008 we were at a loss for understanding what the Lord was doing in us; in a word, we were broken.

The beginning of 2009 brought about many “new” things for us. We moved to a new town, I started a new job, we were living in a new place, and we were shopping in a new grocery store. Surely now the Lord would bless us with a child of our own. As 2009 picked up steam we continued to hope and pray for this little blessing. Tara’s birthday was nearing and she had always hoped to have at least one child or be pregnant by this particular birthday (her 30th!). The big day came and then it went and still Tara was barren, but surprisingly, we were not frustrated.

After nearly three years of emotional ups and downs, of “I might be pregnant this time!”, of “Why Lord?” we began to have a peace. Not a here today gone tomorrow peace, but a true spiritual peace that comes only from God by His Spirit – a peace that surpasses all understanding. This is the kind of peace that comes from complete and utter surrender and not only a surrender of our wills, but a surrender of our dreams, hopes, desires. It is the type of surrender that makes you feel vulnerable and secure at the same time. We had come to a place where we did not “need” to have children of our own. We surrendered our hopes to the Lord and prayed, “Lord, we know you know our desire and we know that your plans are better than ours. So if you don’t want us to have biological children, then we’re okay with that.” This was very difficult for us. We even mourned and grieved the loss of biological children. And yet at the same time were filled with an unexplainable peace.

It is in these moments of complete and utter surrender that we can experience God’s greatest blessing. We are reminded that we are nothing without God; we cannot do anything apart from Him; and without the sacrifice of His son we have no hope for the future. The greatest blessing we can have and experience is a life of surrender to the One who will never leave or forsake us; it is daily living with a “not my will, but your will be done” attitude. Our greatest blessing is a restored relationship with the Creator of all things who so graciously sent His son to die in our place. For we must remember that we were once all a barren people with no hope for life, but now we have a reason to “burst into song and shout for joy.”

On July 28, 2009 Tara and I found out that God had blessed us with a child. In our surrender to God we found tremendous blessing and were also given a child of our own. This Easter season, may you find the greatest blessing of all as you surrender all of your life, your dreams, your hopes, and your future to the King of kings and Lord of lords.