Jonathan's Article

My sweet husband wrote an article for the weekly church newsletter that I want to share:

“Sing, O barren woman, you who never bore a child; burst into song, shout for joy, you who were never in labor; because more are the children of the desolate woman than of her who has a husband," says the LORD. - Isaiah 54:1

By the time you read this I may be a new father holding a new little baby – and if not, then very soon. As we are preparing and considering parenthood, I am often reminded of our road to parenthood. In fact nearly a year ago, Tara and I thought we would never have biological children of our own. Our journey to parenthood did not begin nine months ago; it actually began almost four years ago.

We were just finishing seminary and beginning to think and pray about having children. We felt like we were ready and were excited about the prospect of being parents. We had heard that on the average it takes 3-6 months to get pregnant and so we decided to start trying in the summer of 2006 hoping to be pregnant by Christmas. Well Christmas came and went and still, not pregnant. We were beginning to get concerned and our minds flooded with questions: “What’s wrong with us?” “Why is God keeping this from us?” “What do we need to do that we’re not doing?” “Why is this happening?”

Trying to sort through all the doubts and questions in our minds, we still continued to hope for a baby. We began seeing doctors and having tests done as well. As far as they could tell there was nothing wrong with either of us – they had no logical explanation for Tara’s barrenness and neither did we.

In the summer of 2008 we moved from Charlotte, NC to Middlebury, IN. I was between pastorates and so we took a time of Sabbatical for rest, renewal, and rejuvenation. During this time we continued to hope for a child of our own but as each day passed we grew frustrated and at times even angry with God. During that summer the Lord blessed two of my sisters-in-law with children, which brought up a whole new level of mixed emotions within us. Feeling desperate we unsuccessfully resorted to some medical treatments for Tara, which we ended because they only made her sick and more frustrated. By Christmas 2008 we were at a loss for understanding what the Lord was doing in us; in a word, we were broken.

The beginning of 2009 brought about many “new” things for us. We moved to a new town, I started a new job, we were living in a new place, and we were shopping in a new grocery store. Surely now the Lord would bless us with a child of our own. As 2009 picked up steam we continued to hope and pray for this little blessing. Tara’s birthday was nearing and she had always hoped to have at least one child or be pregnant by this particular birthday (her 30th!). The big day came and then it went and still Tara was barren, but surprisingly, we were not frustrated.

After nearly three years of emotional ups and downs, of “I might be pregnant this time!”, of “Why Lord?” we began to have a peace. Not a here today gone tomorrow peace, but a true spiritual peace that comes only from God by His Spirit – a peace that surpasses all understanding. This is the kind of peace that comes from complete and utter surrender and not only a surrender of our wills, but a surrender of our dreams, hopes, desires. It is the type of surrender that makes you feel vulnerable and secure at the same time. We had come to a place where we did not “need” to have children of our own. We surrendered our hopes to the Lord and prayed, “Lord, we know you know our desire and we know that your plans are better than ours. So if you don’t want us to have biological children, then we’re okay with that.” This was very difficult for us. We even mourned and grieved the loss of biological children. And yet at the same time were filled with an unexplainable peace.

It is in these moments of complete and utter surrender that we can experience God’s greatest blessing. We are reminded that we are nothing without God; we cannot do anything apart from Him; and without the sacrifice of His son we have no hope for the future. The greatest blessing we can have and experience is a life of surrender to the One who will never leave or forsake us; it is daily living with a “not my will, but your will be done” attitude. Our greatest blessing is a restored relationship with the Creator of all things who so graciously sent His son to die in our place. For we must remember that we were once all a barren people with no hope for life, but now we have a reason to “burst into song and shout for joy.”

On July 28, 2009 Tara and I found out that God had blessed us with a child. In our surrender to God we found tremendous blessing and were also given a child of our own. This Easter season, may you find the greatest blessing of all as you surrender all of your life, your dreams, your hopes, and your future to the King of kings and Lord of lords.

Happy Spring!

I'm so excited that spring is here! I really wanted a spring baby. Let's just hope he or she comes out before summer!

We are in the house and getting as settled as we can. We're living in just the downstairs so once again, several boxes are being stored rather than unpacked. But at least our stuff is under one roof with a minor exception of a couple things still in St. Louis at Jonathan's mom's.

The baby has dropped and looks/feels pretty low now! These photos are at 37 1/2 weeks and 39 1/2 weeks. Can you see a difference?

In addition to sewing curtains, unpacking and organizing, cleaning, and preparing foods to freeze and eat after the baby arrives, I have been into March Madness! The Whitleys always fill out a bracket and I go with the same picking method every year: I pick teams based on my relationship to the school/city/state (which avid college basketball fans think is insane). For example, I was born in Indiana so I pick IU. My husband's favorite team is Duke, so I pick them. My cousin, Jil, lives in California, so I'll pick a team or two from there, etc. This year, my picks actually led me to take the lead in the Whitley Challenge for a brief period last night! Who would've thought? I will say, I could be doing a bit better if I hadn't picked Notre Dame for my cousin, Don (their biggest fan). But it's really not about winning, just doing something fun with the family, right?

Foods I've been into lately:

- Chocolate milk

- ABJ (almond butter and jelly)

- Salad/veggie sticks

- Mangoes and bananas cut up together...mmmmm

- Annie's organic fruit snacks

- Back to Nature peanut butter sandwich cookies (better than Girl Scouts and without all the preservatives/chemicals)!

Things a pregnant woman never needs to hear/experience:

- "You haven't had that baby yet?"

- "Woah--you're big!"

- Grown men (who are not family) touching her belly--my count is 3 so far

- "Take the meds!"

- Raised eyebrows when you answer the epidural question with, "No, we're doing this naturally."

- "It's gonna hurt!"

- "Have you seen your mucus plug?"

- "When will they induce?"

- Stopping by the house without calling first (pregnant ladies need those naps!)

- Walking around the house looking in windows if we don't answer the door (Seriously, people???)

- Horror stories of pain and how things didn't go like you thought

- "You must be having a girl because your butt hasn't gotten bigger." (why are you looking at my butt???)

Things a pregnant woman loves to hear/experience:

- "You look radiant!"

- "You're just carrying that weight in your belly!"

- Holding the door or helping her to her car

- "We're praying for a quick and easy, complication-free birth!"

- Letting her go in front of you in line (30 extra pounds get heavy to lug around!)

- "Expectant Mother Parking"

I'm really thinking of creating a guide to pregnancy etiquette. There seems to be a lack of knowledge in this area according to my experience...but would anyone read it?

35 Weeks

We're getting closer to March and I'm noticing the baby in my ribs as well as a smaller lung capacity! Jonathan and I led the music at church on Sunday for the last time till May. It's gotten harder to sing and play my mandolin at the same time! The house is still coming along--we took a little time out to get some maternity photos taken. Jonathan graciously shaved off the beard he had been growing for longer than I've been growing this baby in order to make a clean-cut appearance! Here are a few of our favorite shots.

30 Weeks!

Where is the time going? I feel like I'm flying through this pregnancy! There are days that my belly seems noticeably larger than the day before. Sometimes I just sit and watch the baby moving all around inside my belly. It even tickles once in awhile, which I'm guessing will turn into annoying jabs as the weeks progress and the baby's space becomes smaller.

I'm starting what I think they call "nesting." I am constantly making lists with urgency of things I need to do or buy. We're heading to St. Louis the last weekend of January for a shower (thanks, Janet!) and we'll be making a stop at my fave grocery store, Trader Joe's. Knowing this will be my last trip there for quite awhile, I have listed out all my TJ staples and written numbers next to them...as in the amount of each item I want to get. I'm pretty sure of two things: we'll need multiple shopping carts and we don't own enough reusable shopping bags to hold the loot.

Last night I insisted we sit down with a calendar and list out all the projects that need to be finished before we can move into our house. Jonathan very patiently went over everything with me and we think our moving day will realistically be February 20th. That is one month before the due date! I think I'm okay with that!

I am a preparer and a planner. I like to be well aware of situations before I get into them and I like to know as much as possible on the subject at hand. So we took an 8-week long birthing class and I probably have about a dozen books on pregnancy/nursing. All I want to do with my time now is go over those books and do my exercises to get ready for the birth. I think hitting week 30 has sent my "borderline OCD" into overdrive! Maybe God will use this little one to teach me flexibility....

Christmas 2009!

We found ourselves somewhat "stuck" in Anna this year for the holidays with church commitments and vacation time being used up on house projects. To our delight, several of our family members were able to come into town and celebrate with us. And somehow we even cleared enough space in our apartment for everyone! Dad, Andra, and Bruce were here over Christmas. Philip, Allison, and Idolie made it for New Year's. Mom came through on her way home to KC from Indiana and spent several days with me (Jonathan was either working at the church or the house almost every minute she was here)! Thanks, family, for making the trip!

House Blog

My sweet husband is doing a fantastic job blogging the details of our house remodel. If you're interested in following more specific ins and outs of this adventure, check out our house blog: 111highmore.blogspot.com.

The Addition

Some of you out there may think your husband is the best guy on earth. I'm here to tell you he's not--mine is! :) I remember during my teen years thinking that someday I wanted to marry a "Renaissance Man"; a guy who had many skills and abilities. Well, folks, I did. Jonathan is incredibly intelligent, but aside from that he has an uncanny ability to learn new things quickly and well. Whether it's from watching how others work or sitting down and reading a book on a particular topic, I have been amazed at the things he has been able to pick up and accomplish in our 8 years of marriage.

Why am I boasting about my husband, you may ask? Just check out this addition he designed and built from scratch--all stemming from the intent to provide me a laundry facility located on the main floor rather than in the scary, cricket-infested basement. Fantastic!

The Spruce Solution

I found a way to celebrate my missing Hansel and Gretel tree from the new homestead. I purchased a plain wreath from Menard's (where you can save big money) and attached our former trees' pine cones for us to enjoy for years to come. The clusters of smaller cones are from the Hansel and Gretel tree and the larger ones are from another tree we had out front. I wasn't sad to see that one come down because it was partly dead and the neighbors said it got struck by lightening every year resulting in large branches falling on our property, their property, in the street, etc. The Spruce lives on!

Tears of... Hormones!

Here are a couple pregnant moments for your entertainment:

As you know, Jonathan and I are in the midst of a big house reno and in the way of our laundry/mud room addition there happened to be the most beautiful Spruce tree. At about 50 feet tall with the most perfect pine branches gently cascading down, this tree reminded me of a fairytale...like I was in the middle of Hansel and Gretel or something. Nevertheless, it had to come down. Jonathan went ahead and scheduled its removal while I steered clear of the details. I had actually totally forgotten about it when on a Friday we were out running errands and Jonathan said, "Oh, I want to show you something at the house." He drove me by the place and said, "Look at the tree!" I looked over to see my fairytale tree completely stripped of its lovely branches except for a little poof of pine at the very top. It was like a gigantic one-ended Q-tip. I said, "Oh my gosh, I'm so sad! Why did you show me this?" The next thing I knew I was literally BAWLING! I grabbed a napkin out of the glove box to wipe my face while Jonathan felt like crap (amidst his chuckling). I was crying so hard...but with occasional spurts of laughter at myself for crying so much over the tree. I would cry then laugh uncontrollably then go back to crying. It was the weirdest feeling. And it took me a good hour to get over it!

On another occasion, we were watching a Cardinals game during the regular season and it was a very close scoring game against the Nationals. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Albert Pujols stepped up to the plate and hit one out of the park to win the game. The whole team left the dugout and ran out onto the field to congratulate him at home plate while the entire stadium cheered. I found myself reaching to wipe tears away, stammering, "He's so talented" amidst sniffs of snot.

Oy, the hormones!

NEPHEW!

We travelled to St. Louis for Thanksgiving and were able to meet Nathanael and Brodie's firstborn: Malachi Ross Whitley! He is a very active little guy and was lots of fun to be with. He held his own with his two female cousins, threatening to crawl before them! It was great to be with our nieces and nephew and to watch them interact. We're so glad our little one will have cousins close in age and we're excited to meet Idolie's little brother or sister come June!

23 Weeks

I can't believe we're already at 23 weeks! Some people have asked me if I'm even wearing maternity clothes yet (uh, yep). In contrast, one lady told me I look like I'm having twins in this shirt....so I guess perception varies between people and clothing choices.

Just for kicks, here is my list of favorite pregnancy foods thus far:

1. Pink Lady Apples (1st trimester necessity)

2. Honey Nut Toasty O's

3. McDonald's Breakfast Burritos

4. Meat (beef) and Potatoes (It all started when Jonathan brought a double cheeseburger into our house for his lunch and I had to have a bite...or three! He graciously ran out and got one for me. Fortunately the double cheeseburger craving was short-lived).

5. Bread and butter pickles

6. Eggs

7. Cheese

8. Orange Juice

9. Veggies (second trimester)

10. Mac and Cheese

Here's my on and off again "yuck" list:

1. Desserts

2. Poultry

3. Fruity beverages like Naked Juice

4. Tomatoes and tomato sauce

5. Pizza

Baby Feet

At 20 weeks we had an ultrasound and got to see the baby moving around. The tech did a great job of not revealing the gender of the baby to us so we can be surprised. I love the shot of the little feet! The second photo is a profile view--you can see a knee coming up towards the head and a hand just above the nose. We enjoyed getting to see that what we've been feeling moving around is in fact a little person! But viewing the baby did make us anxious for the day when we can hold it in our arms.

The Half-Marathon Man

For the past 5 months, Jonathan has been training for the Kansas City Waddell & Reed Half-Marathon. We actually both began training and signed up for the race as a fun goal to accomplish together. When we found out I'm pregnant, Jonathan continued the training on his own.

We got downtown to the Hyatt around 6:15am where Jonathan took the opportunity to stretch before the start time of 7:00am. It was a cold, dark morning in KC but there was much excitement in the air.

There were 10,500 runners and a large amount of spectators. In fact, as much as we tried, we were unable to spot Jonathan at the start or middle of the race.

Fortunately, we squeezed into a spot toward the finish line and were able to cheer Jonathan on as he sprinted toward the end. He is the one pictured here in the white shirt and black running shorts.

There were so many people waiting at the finish line. As soon as we saw Jonathan coming, we ran back past the finish to try to meet him.

We finally met up after he walked through the food line to grab some oranges. What a relieved and accomplished expression!

Check out the frost on Jonathan's face and hair! He was cold and soaked in sweat by the time he finished.

Jonathan completed the half-marathon in 2 hours and 4 minutes which was one minute faster than he anticipated. Dad and I were so glad to be there to see him accomplish this feat and show our support for all his hard work and dedication to achieve his goal.

Meets and Bridges

My cousin, Andy, had a cross country meet in Terre Haute, IN. We were able to go see him run and meet up with the rest of his family there. The nearby Parke County was hosting its annual Covered Bridge Festival so we stopped by to enjoy some hot cider and kettle corn. It was the perfect autumn weekend and such a treat to cheer Andy on with the rest of the fam.

Saying Good-bye to "Tarai"

When Jonathan and I were married in 2001, his brother, Nathanael, gave me the nickname "Tarai." He said it was like Sarah in the bible who was barren and when God told her husband, Abraham, that she would have a son, He changed her name from Sarai to Sarah. So Nathanael decided to call me Tarai until Jonathan and I had children.


In 2006 we actually started trying to achieve this goal of parenthood, but after several months that turned into years, I began to realize I might have a bit in common with Sarai...I was experiencing barrenness. After doing lots of testing that resulted in the discovery that Jonathan and I are both perfectly healthy, we realized either it just wasn't God's timing for us to conceive or maybe we were being led to adopt.



Since we moved to Anna, IL we've been living in a tiny apartment that we knew wouldn't pass an adoption home inspection. So we decided to look for a house to buy and thought that if we weren't pregnant by the time we found a house, we would hit the adoption route full-swing.



God's timing is always perfect, no matter how much it may seem to differ from our own ideas. On the morning of July 28th, 2009 we went to the bank to close on a house. That afternoon we found out we were pregnant! Then it took us a couple weeks to realize it was real... and still some days I look at my stomach and say to Jonathan, "I can't believe there's a baby in there!"



We are praising God for the miracle of this new life and grateful for Him bringing us through what was possibly our greatest trial thus far. It was a hard road and it is tough to describe the pain that accompanies this journey. We watched so many friends and family members conceive and wondered when our turn would come. Some of them even met, dated, got married, and had babies in the time we were trying. The main tool that helped me get over the sadness was a book given to me by my friend, Beth, Rain on Me by Holley Gerth. This 40-day devotional brought me from feeling abandoned by God to feeling enveloped in His love...and it made me realize I was letting the devil scheme in my life and bring me down when I have so much for which to be thankful.



To anyone dealing with a trial that at times seems unbearable, I recommend Holley's book and encourage you that "God is faithful, he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear." 1 Corinthians 10:13



And to anyone who may be a family member, friend, or acquaintance of a young married woman and feels compelled to question or pressure her regarding her timeline for children, I implore you to hold your tongue. You never know what that woman is dealing with and the respectful, courteous thing to do is to let her bring the topic up if she so chooses. Just as it is inappropriate to imply a young, single gal should be considering marriage, it is equally inappropriate to suggest when a married woman should have children. Having been through this trial myself, I have been given a whole new outlook on what it means to have sensitivity and compassion on others. It is much more beneficial to be an encourager than a meddler. My mom and two of my aunts each at one point told me that they believed we would conceive our own children. They couldn't explain it; it was just something they knew. The faith of these women is at times what carried my hope.

Although I adore nicknames and felt it endearing of my brother-in-law to call me "Tarai", I am happy to hang up my "Tarai hat" and be called "Tara" from here on out as I am WITH CHILD! :) We appreciate any prayers for the health of the baby and for a quick, natural delivery. We anticipate the arrival of our little one around St. Patty's Day, March 17th. We have decided to be surprised regarding the baby being a boy or girl and plan to surprise everyone with the name when he or she is born. Be sure to check back on our blog for more updates and thank you for rejoicing with us!

Small Town Rumors

So some folks in town told us that sometimes rumors get started about people out of nowhere. Today, we were the recipients of two of them.

Jonathan was talking with a guy from our church and the guy said, "So I hear you're going on study leave soon." Jonathan responded, "What?"
Guy: "Aren't you going on study leave next week?"
Jonathan: "No, I have no idea what you're talking about."
Guy: "But you're not going to be here for the high school football game Friday."
Jonathan: "Right, because we're going to Terre Haute for a couple days to see Tara's cousin run in a cross country meet."

Rumor number two went like this:

Lady from church: "It's too bad you guys are leaving us, we really enjoy having you at the church."
Jonathan: "What are you talking about?"
Lady: "Well aren't you moving to Mexico?"
Jonathan: (laughing) "Um, no. We love being at the church. We bought a house here."

You're probably wondering how in the world these ideas get into peoples' heads then spread around town. SO ARE WE!!!

Carport Removal

We had a rotten carport attached to the house. Some guys from the church came over to help us tear it down.

They chained one of the posts to a bobcat after sawing the roof apart from the roof of the house.

In just one hour and forty-seven minutes the entire thing was removed and we had a completely cleaned off driveway. It was a HUGE accomplishment!

Philip Visits!

Philip came for a visit during his move to Chicago. He will be working there a couple weeks a month, so he got a studio apartment. Jonathan helped him move and it was quite an adventure!

The alley next to his building just barely fit the moving truck. The guys had to load up the service elevator, get in, then move everything to the other side while riding up to Philip's floor in order to be able to exit out the opposite door. Despite the close quarters, the guys decided it was the easiest move they've ever made. Philip had planned so well ahead that they were able to place the furniture precisely according to Philip's drawing of the space and finish in record time. We appreciated Philip coming to Anna early so we could spend some time with him and show him where we live...and get the Lincoln/Douglas photos, of course!

8th Anniversary!

We have celebrated anniversary number 8! We went to one of our favorite places: Carolina Beach. We stayed at The Front Street Inn in Wilmington which we had stayed at for our fourth anniversary as well. We got this photo out front to compare it to the one we took in the same spot 4 years ago. It's hard to believe we've been married this long--the time really flies by! Being back in the Carolinas was wonderful. We went through our former stomping grounds in Charlotte and were able to see some really great friends for what seemed like too short of a time. But we were so thankful for the opportunity and glad we made the trip.